Category: Singles Spit Swap
The user who calls himself "The Sophisticated Gentleman" (#3851), the one who has such a soft spot for American girls and who so enjoys talking dirty to any of them who'll have him... he's married. Just thought I'd pass along the info so that those of you who have no interest in being anyone's other woman now have a choice, at least where he's concerned.
A gentleman he ain't.
Becky
There are lots of married men and women on here who play with others. Not saying whether it's write or wrong. Just saying that it's beyond common on a site like this. Most of these on line flings don't lead to anything physical anyway, so some will use that for justification.
And you know this from experience Becky? Smile.
Sorry, just had too.
I'm single and don't have a bunch of even clean conversations. Maybe I should learn to enjoy talking dirty? Lol.
I appreciate the intentions behind this post, but at the same time, I wonder how much this constitutes revealing public info about someone.
I know it's tough, but we can't really pick and choose when it is/isn't OK to cross that line, especially publically like this.
Just another dimention to the topic that may be worth a discussion. Where does freedom of speech cross violation of another's right to privacy.
lol Yeah, he was too flirtatious anyway. or shall I say...too sophisticated...?
I'm sure there are lots of married people on here looking for online flirting and cyber sex. I've even heard of married people going on match.com and other dating sites, so why wouldn't it happen on here too? I think anyone with a couple brain cells should know to be cautious when flirting with anyone online.
Nothing against Post 1, but no evidence has been bought forth to communicate
that the person in question is a. married, and b. involved in a traditional and not
open relationship.
Certainly A implies B in western cultures, due to the Industrial nuclear model we
all embrace to create workers and soldiers with. But with 2.5 million
polyamorous in the U.S. alone, married may not equivocate exclusivity.
One needs to present evidence in order to be believable in a context like this
where the end game is to provide a warning. Let us say Post 1 is 1000 percent
correct; married, promised to remain faithful, is acting on the down low, fill in
any stereotype tropes I missed by all means. Then you actually *want* to be
believed, so you *want* to present any evidence. At least tell us how you found
out unless Flidais is on to something, I dunno if this is the new academic
practice of doxxing or not. You just hear about university academics doing that,
so yes, I'd be very careful now.
To Post 1, I will say, I'm sorry if you got played, or if he was dishonest. These
things are tough: the three-sided sword, as it were. Her story, his story, and the
truth somewhere in the middle.
He's yet to defend himself here, but again it would be hard to place without
proof.
To all the ladies: disregard post one, because there's no evidence to prove these claims. Because first and foremost, this man isn't here to defend himself, and as was said, we don't know the whole story.
Ah, Leo, my man. I thought about that angle, but I'm getting bashed on another board over my feelings on that, so.
Post 4. An interesting angle. I've seen postings on dating sites similar, and this is a dating board.
The problem with it, is he has not posted an add saying he's looking to date.
In that respect, it be vilation of his privacy.
It is like kissing and telling because you didn't get the results you wanted.
Or in that other case, saying things that weren't provable.
If you are to ban public disclosure of I want to date this man and so I'm going to make it look as if I am, you'd be correct, you'd need to ban, or remove postings like this. I've dated this man, and here's our public story or what he's done.
That only be lawful I guess, if the man in question had not posted an add for dating, or phone play.
Once he'd posted, then he opens himself up for public ratings.
Tough call.
What do you say?
I agree. Talk without evidence is merely gossip. As one who has been a victim of gossip before, I'm here to tell you it sucks, and it's generally not done in any but the meanest of spirits. As for whether this man who may or not be married would be in aan "open" marriage, that' irrelovant, since were he trying to attract another girl, it would be up to her to make her own judgements. Still, without some form of proof, , it's just words to be cast aside, even if it's done out of wishing to spare other people harm. And I get that, too.
Natalie, I don't think she's violated his privacy, because she hasn't revealed anything that could be personally identifiable. I don't know about his own profile, as I've never looked at it or talked to this person, so if there is identifiable info in there, that's his own doing for putting it on the site. But I don't think what Becky posted violates anything. Just my opinion.
Wayne and Leo, if this guy does happen to be in an open relationship or polyamorous, that should be disclosed before anything happens, even online, as other parties will be effected. I have several friends who are polyamorous, and it seems one of the big things in poly is being above board about other potential partners. If not, it falls into the category of what one of my friends calls polyfuckery, which anyone can do. Judging by the nature of Becky's post, I'd guess this guy isn't very forthcoming with the fact that he's married, which is usually a warning sign of a cheater.
I don't think I'd have put it out here like this, but as one who has been played by someone from this site years ago, I do understand her intentions. Back then, I too wanted to warn any woman I could about that particular asshole, and I did so privately as opportunity allowed, but I didn't put it out on the boards. In short, I see this from both sides. I do see why it may put some up in arms, but as a woman who has been played in the past, I thank you for your intentions of trying to keep others from getting hurt, Becky.
I see the intention as well. I just think it needs a little more than hearsay. Otherwise I could just say *Insert popular zone lady here* is a dirty two-timing spunk junkie with genital fungus, with a pentient for jack-boning anything with three legs, , and have other people take it at face value that I'm being truthful. In fact she could be the most fantastic and loyal girl you'd ever meet, but now because rumors are being spread, no one will ever know. I can respect wishing to spare others pain. But hearsay should not be fact. That said, if he really is married, concealing it and looking for action on the side, then shame on him, and his dripping penis.
Like I said, he definitely is flirtatious. I've looked at his profile, and there is nothing saying he's married, so I don't know.
I'm sorry, but intent does not validate the OP's post.
I'm sure a lot of people would say they didn't intend to do this or that, but what matters is what actually took place (in this case, a "warning" was made, but really, it was hearsay and nothing more).
Alicia I'm still pretty ignorant as to things polyamorous but I've heard what you
said too, that being above board is key. Certainly nobody likes a traitor, not in
any relationship, sexual or otherwise.
For the record.
The polyamorous couple is interested in a partner.
They are in a closed relationship between themselves.
Partners don't go outside for sex.
Most times it is done for financial reasons, or the women in the relationship are twins, or really close to each other.
Sometimes the women are bisexuals that need a man from time to time, so find one they can trust to live with.
In rare situations the woman will have two men, and the above will apply.
Unless he's looking for a partner to join the group, it be an open relationship were his wife doesn't mind him a little online fun.
She might even sit in on the sessions and they take all the sexual energy to bed while the online person remains online.
Otherwise, he’s cheating.
But all this hasn’t been proven.
If I were him, unless I was able to prove I wasn’t cheating, I’d stay away from this topic and continue my pleasurable fun.
It will die, and he'll continue to be sexessful.
Wayne, I think Poly looks different for everyone. In the case of my friends who are, all three are women. Two of those friends have two men each. One is the third to a married couple, but they see her as much as part of their union as themselves. As far as I'm aware, none of this is for financial reasons. It's because they, and their partners, believe one person cannot meet all of the needs another person has, so the choice for them and their partners is polyamory. But, all of them very strongly believe in being totally above board with their partners, and expect the same in return. It's actually quite a drama-fest, watching all the communication that needs to be done, the screw-ups in said communication, trying to coordinate things like calendars and time spent with what people, boundaries, and so on. If poly works for them, great, but there's no way I could do it. But, that digresses.
Hmm Alicia I appreciate your views. You seem to support the pre-Christian
western notions of love, honor and fidelity, where betrayal is not an option. This
requires no ultimatums or other tantrums you see online now.
I'm not even sure how one would go about the polyamory thing, but I think
you're on to it.
Instead of these vapid discussions that the millennials are having now about
who can do what? Your communication about betrayal and trust is absolute and
solid gold. I always appreciate the way you put that.
Anyway perhaps we differ in some major ways, I've got to say I really
appreciate that perspective.
Yes, that can be.
But the women don't go out side for sex with strangers do they?
I just gave a few examples.
I didn't get them all, like Muslems or religious reasons.
A Muslem man can have 4 wives if he can support them.
Open relationships are people that go outside of the relationship for sexual reasons, but are totally open.
I would agree that everyone doesn't see it the same, but the main frome is the poly people stay with the union, the open don't.
Thanks Leo. Those aren't my views about poly so much as they are the experiences of three of my close female friends who are, as well as my observations of those friends. I'm perfectly happy being monogamous. I honestly can't imagine being poly. My own personal view, at least based on what I see as an outsider, is that it's far more trouble than it's worth. But for them it's not.
if a person's fb page or any other public information, searchable on google is accessible, I don't see why someone can't point it out.
There have been cases where men were charged with harassment for pointing
out publicly-available information about women in academia. These were called
misogynist or some such for having pointed out information that already was on
a public profile.
So perhaps it's just the gender of the person in question?
This is why no ideology can work.
Ah, possibly.
It be up to the sites administrator as well.
Sites are run by people, and so.
Ok. I have a problem, Chelsea. I didn't say anything to anyone, and now he's hurting others. I've had the perv on Ignore for years, for hitting on me. I don't care if he's married or not. He's a jerk, with a much filthier mind than I thought could exist!
I'll say something off-color occasionally, but I would not talk the way he did, and he don't know me, from "Adam's Off Ox".
I don't know about all these new kinds of relationships out there, but if you're going to do something, and you're married, you should agree with your better half, before just running off and getting caught later.
I, am thankful someone has the guts to come out and call the guy what he is. It's better we find out something before we fall for a loser. Having been hurt more than once, Hindsight is always 20-20, and I'm sick of being other people's victims!
To quote a movie: "There's no such thing, as a weaker sex!"
Blessings
But we have no idea what him and his better half agree on Sarah. Smile.
What's interesting about this is that we never see this "warning" type situation
in gay relationships. Presumably, players come in every demographic, but it's
only the special position granted the heterosexual woman, perhaps is why we
do this? I don't know. Is this the same as "ladies first" in burning buildings and
sinking ships?
It is indeed interesting to observe the dynamic here.
Ah, but the girl that posted this warning is actually bisexual.
Some folks just feel they need to protect their kind.
I tend to think bisexual and lesbians feel this stronger.
No, I don't have any other reason but experience.
Why, because of the bond they feel for other women, and also sisterhood.
This is not 100% so, but.
Oh, if there were a married female player on this site, and I'm sure they are out there, I wouldn't feel a bit bad if a board like this was posted. I have no notions that only women should warn other women about men. Women can be players, and guys can be hurt, so it's fair on both sides. That shouldn't be determined by gender, or sexual orientation. I have never understood ladies first in any situation, whether it be ordering at dinner, or on a sinking ship. Nothing makes us have more rights than men. Equal yes, more, no. So, if a man or woman felt the need to warn others about a female player, I could understand that. Again, I'd probably choose to warn others privately, rather than a public board like this, but not based on gender or orientation.
There have been boards in the past where men have been played by married women, so the men had to expose them.
Ah interesting.
We don't see gays having to warn other gays then?
I guess my downfall, and I do believe it could be a downfall, is that I could not
warn someone else without incontrovertible proof. I may have let someone
down because of that, but I've also been falsely accused of various things in life
without evidence. Not in the sexual area, but I'd imagine the sexual area would
be more sensitive.
Alicia yours is the type of equality I can live with. I have always told my
daughter what my own father told me: all rights come with responsibilities. And
all privileges are earned. As you say, this is irrespective of gender.
Or, even age. I would not expect a younger to listen to me "because I'm older,"
either. Only if I have earned their respect and gained their trust. just how the
cookie crumbles I guess.
Hi all, first of all I really don't know how pothetic some people like Becky can be, doesn't she have better things to do in her life? But there are wise folks on here who had put her in place, she is low enough for her to unfairly create a post about me, and she is been made to look like dumn judgemental ass, so I'll remain far more sophisticated then her, thus no more needed to be said by me.
Except...oh, the irony!
If you felt you had to make a half-assed post of this nature, you're even more immature than Becky. Becky, at least, is trying to warn people about a married man who feels it's okay to flirt with women who aren't his wife. Perhaps she overstepped in doing that, but the intention was good. You, on the other hand, basically just tried to rub it in her face. That's not sophisticated; it's juvenile.
Warned him to stay away from this board. hahaha.
I agree with Aunt Hot Wheels and SheppardWolfe so I don't have anything else to say.
So, I thought on this. My ex dumped me and all. But, the girl he's seeing now, didn't turn him down, and she was told by him and others, what happened. So, I think there's not-so-nice women, in this world. Some women don't care who they're sleeping with, as long as it's a man. Even a married man.
Just a random thought.
Blessings,
Sarah
Damn, when will people start honoring marriage and stop cheating? & that's not just for married people anyone in a serious relationship needs to honor that relationship. If a man wants to have a bunch of women or if a woman wants to have a bunch of men, then honestly don't settle down at all! If that's what floats your boat ok cool just don't catch anything behind that lifestyle (know what I mean)? & if you are in a relationship and decide there's someone else you want to be with, why cheat? Be real about your shit and say that's what you want. I'm the kind of woman who'd rather hurt knowing the truth and finding out the truth from my supposed man's mouth as opposed to catching him in a lie. These cheating games need to seriously stop! Especially if you're over 18 and are supposed to be an adult and know better. News flash, you're not a child and don't need to play with someone's or someones' emotions like a kid playing a game. Seriously this cheating shit is so old! I mean I know it'll never stop, but I just had to speak my peace about it.
Perhaps we shouldn't judge others? Just saying.
She's right. Honest people don't have the problems that cheating, or dishonesty can bring. And, I don't mean just in a relation with a guy. I try to be honest with everyone. I don't always succeed, though; honestly speaking.
Laughing.
Seriously, truth=freedome from having to pretend, cover up, keep lies straight, accidentally letting something slip to the wrong person, and hurting feelings.
God Bless,
Sarah
Thank you Becky
I as a single lady who is interested in dating guys appreciates when someone is looking out for my best interest and keeps me from getting mixed up in something I would rather not be involved with.
there is a difference between gossiping, causing trouble, and telling someone what's going on.
I was in a situation a while back where a close friend of mine was dating a guy and they were talking about marriage. I found out some things about this guy and have many sources. I had this guy even try to hit on me in a very personal way and found other ladies who said the same thing.
I tried to tell this so called friend of mine out of respect for her and our friendship.
well long story short, we are not friends anymore.
they never got married.
I am in a happier place with friends who I trust and who trusts me.
Yep. I want to know what is happening.
If you need something on the side, at the front, just say so.
Give me the choice to decide if I want to stay or not.
I put cheating out of my life period, and I'm happier for it.
I think that, whatever one does with a relationship, should be open and above board. Although I have mostly been monogamous, I would always be open about what I felt and wanted from that relationship. As Popeye would say, "I yam what I yam!" And that's all.
Oh I agree. Be open and upfront with what you want.